Ever hear the slogan “If it was easy everyone would be doing it,” or “If I can do it you can do it.” Possibly the Best … “So easy a child can do it.”
Well, meet a child that can’t seem to do it. The Bible says “Once a man … twice a child” and I get that. You’re born helpless and die helpless, in between you hopefully get lucky and are not be a helpless adult. Although it seems instead of 19 being the age of “get out of the house” it’s now 30 or 35. God, I couldn’t imagine living with my parents until 30, but that’s another story.
So what’s the deal about going insane? Seems like just about everyone anymore is, and you’d like to join the party. “Ignorance is bliss,” I always say.
I’m sure there are many ways to accomplish insanity. Watch Fox news for 24 hours non-stop is a good method. The most popular method lately is trying to figure out Trump’s foreign policy, or tariffs, or lawyers, or pretty much anything he says, obviously a multiple choice option. But that delves into politics and I don’t like talking politics. Plus it doesn’t cost any money … unless you’re trying to buy health insurance that has mysteriously quadrupled since last year.
But … my favorite method for achieving total insanity is to try and make any money off the internet. Had Edgar Rice Burroughs dropped Tarzan in a jungle as hostile as the internet … it would have been Chi-ta and Jane only.
What am I talking about? Well, to begin with, in case you didn’t know, Tarzan was the creation of author Edgar Rice Burroughs and grew up in the jungles of Africa. Tough little sucker who yelled a lot scaring the hell out of everyone. But my comparison is the internet business arena, which reminds me so much of the gladiators of Rome scrapping it out, some winning … some not so lucky.
I’m wandering, a sure sign of insanity or dementia, I forget which…. sorry. I’ll try and stay on track.
I’m an old man. No sense arguing it … I’m old. Thank God I can still control my bladder, which according to TV commercials most people my age have to wear diapers, but can still dance in a chorus line. (Who thinks of this shit?) I can’t work an 8 hour shift anymore. Can’t really work a 4 hour part-time shift anymore. But … I am skillful enough to sit on my butt for 8 hours a day and pound on computer keys.
I’d make money off the internet! Bet nobody else has even thought about that. Well, I was kinda wrong about that, a few people had already thought about that, a few billion people actually. But, I was undeterred. If a billion people can get rich on the internet, there has to be room for one more and I knew the ideal candidate. ME!
It began with Facebook. Seems everything begins with Facebook. I wanted to create a Business Page that I could advertise affiliate products on and make a lot of money off commissions. Seems simple enough, but Facebook wouldn’t let me create a business page unless I had a Personal page.
I’m not the type to air my dirty laundry or want everyone to know and see everything I do on a daily basis. That sort of sounds like a police state to me, but then again Trump is president, but not being Latino or Black, I figured I was safe and succumbed creating a personal page. Big mistake.
Do you know if you make a mistake on Facebook you can’t erase it and start all over? At least there wasn’t a method I could find. Not being an expert, I am prone to make mistakes when dealing with technology. So to make a long tragic story short … after 4 additional personal Facebook pages, I now have 5, I finally got my business page up and running. Little did I know that would be the next nightmare I would encounter.
I was finally on my way to making a fortune on the internet. I spotted a spiffy little gadget on Click-bank, a small knife that looked like a credit card you could carry in your wallet. Nothing deadly, something for cutting string or slicing the tape in order to open a package, but extremely handy little critter.
I had to pay to advertise of course, which I understood. What I didn’t understand was how the advertising gig works on Facebook. Long story short again… I signed up for like $250 worth of advertising over a month. I was abhorred. I’m here to make money … not spend it. “Chill,” I told myself. Takes money to make money, it’ll turn out good and the next day I thought it had. I checked my Click-bank account and I had made $6.24 in commissions. I know, big deal, but you know when a saloon hangs a dollar up behind the bar with a sign “First Dollar Ever Made” That was me. On my way.
Checking my Emails I noticed an email from Facebook, which I figured was a congratulation for making my first sale or something like that. Not even close. It was an email telling me I had violated their rules and I could no longer advertise on my Facebook business page. Now bear in mind … Facebook has to approve any advertising before it’ll send it out. So if they approved it why was it a violation of their rules? And what rules? They don’t say. You can appeal their decision, which I did. Didn’t take them too long to tell me where to stick my appeal. Still no answer on what I did wrong.
Then possibly the worse Catch 22 I have ever been trapped in. I had $250 tied up for advertising the business page, but wasn’t allowed to advertise because I’d broken the rules. $250 disappeared into the abyss. Technically they didn’t steal it, the money’s still there, but I can’t spend it or retrieve it.
Facebook can help steal the 2016 Presidential election, but can’t refund my $250 or tell me what I supposedly did wrong.
Strait Jacket Time
Had I been half as smart as I thought I was or had not mistaken stupidity for determination I would have stopped right then and there. I was out $250, but in my younger days I was known to occasionally over indulge and spend $250 in one night at a bar. But noooooo.
Next step … build a website. The hell with Facebook, I’d build a website and sell affiliate products from there. That ain’t easy either when you have little to no knowledge of what to do. (Let that be a clue maybe you ought to stop)
Seems Word Press is the hosting platform most everyone uses now to make a blog or a website. What’s the difference? I have absolutely no idea. So I plop down $100 for a Word Press whatever, template, site, tools, I’m not sure exactly what all is included.
There is one major difference between my attempt at Facebook and Word Press… I got smart, I hired some help, a freelancer from Upwork, Fiverr has them too. For a $100 this guy would set up my web-page. The money hurt, but the aggravation was worse.
Then he emails me and says he can’t do what I need because I didn’t buy the plug-ins. What in the hell is a plug-in? It’s an additional $200 to Word-Press is what it is. This little square dance of buying additional products and hiring additional freelancers continued for @ $1200. I assure you a $1200 table dance would have been a lot more pleasurable and productive.
Moral of the Story
If I were typing this on an old fashion typewriter the paper would be speckled from tear drops, because as I read what I’ve put myself through I want to cry. Not only the money wasted, but the extreme torture of trying to make something work when you have no idea what you’re doing.
I finally cracked when Word-Press strongly advised me to create a business Facebook page and advertise on it. I’d completed a full circle in hell.
My advise: Do not try to make money off the internet unless you are tech savvy and have an idea what you’re doing.
One thing you can count one … repeat what I did and I’ll guarantee you’ll go insane. How can I make that claim?
Simple. I’m continuing to do the same thing and am expecting different results. Ain’t that the definition of insanity?
Give us a Like on Facebook. (I can’t believe I just wrote that)